Some tips to help you have sex safely and responsibly.
Time Required: LOTS
- Talk about it with your partner-to-be well before hand and know that you are both sure. If there are any doubts, stop here, abstinence in a relationship is normal and "OK".
- Go over your birth control needs and options and make sure that you have waited long enough for the choice you make to be effective. Consider talking with a friend or family member about their experiences.
- Use a condom no matter what other birth control arrangements have been made and regardless of what your partner-to-be tells you about his/her sexual history.
- Do not be drunk, on drugs or otherwise unable to make an informed decisison, and make sure that your partner-to-be is in a decision making state.
- Make sure that you care about your partner-to-be and that you are not "doing it" for reasons other than what YOU feel. Looking cool, fitting in or just wanting to lose your virginity are not good reasons to have sex.
- Go somewhere comfortable, quiet, private and (preferably) nice. Choose a place where you are unlikely to be interrupted.
- Don't think too much about how nervous you are, relax and take a deep breath. This should be something you WANT to do.
- Spend a long time kissing and caressing your partner. This is called "foreplay" and the more there is of it, the better.
- Talk to your partner, say kind, gentle and loving things. First say with words what you are about to express with your body.
- As you get into it never stop listening to what your partner says and remember he/she has a right to stop no matter how far things have gone.
- Slowly undress each other paying close attention to your partner's body language - are things moving too fast, or do they seem on target? If you sense any hesitation at this point you should slow down or stop.
- As you kiss and start to relax listen to what your mind tells you to do, follow your instincts and your partners cues.
- Enjoy what you are doing, take time to get to know your partner's body and let them get to know yours. You never get another first time or another first time together.
- Before moving on to intercourse (penetration) make sure that you both still want to "go all the way", it is hard to turn back and can't be undone. Sex is not a test of love, it is a way of expressing it.
- Follow your instincts and listen to your heart. By the time you are physically ready for intercourse you should be relaxed and comfortable enough to let nature take it's course.
- It is best if you feel deeply (and even better if you feel love) for your partner; emotionally empty sex is always a let down.
- There is more than pregnancy to worry about when having sex, you must also think about STDs and the emotional after effects.
- As hard as it sounds don't think too much about what it will be like, this is asking for problems, performace anxiety and disappointment.
- Foreplay is essential as it gives you time to get used to the new feelings (both emotional and physical) that you are sure to have - don't cut it short and don't be afraid to stop at this point if you start having doubts.
- There is no such thing as owing someone sex. You can talk about it for weeks, get the birth control handled, be "right into it" and still change your mind.
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