Jeff was the reason that I sometimes pushed myself that extra mile. He was sweet, cute, charming... everything I wanted. During the time I was in isolation after the surgery, his face would pop into my mind and I'd smile. Having him in my life brought out new and wonderful feelings - all I wanted to do was be with him.
The only people that were allowed to see me when I was in isolation were my mother, father, and Con. Their smiles and words of encouragement made me strong. It's been 8 months since I had the surgery, and so far so good. My body has accepted my brother's bone marrow. I still have to go for those checkups, and each time I get scared. But each time I get stronger.
If I didn't have the friends and family I have, I wouldn't have been able to get through the treatment. There were times when I was so close to death. I remember blacking out for days, because I was so weak. It really felt like I was dead. But when I woke up and I saw smiling faces around me, encouraging me, it was hard not to feel loved. Because of that love have something to work towards, a reason to live.
Since cancer I have failed tests, broken up with my boyfriend, lost a diving competition, and gotten many scrapped knees but I have learned that they are little things, and I can overcome them. I have also learned that image is nothing. I could have complained that my hair was gone, and I can't curl it the way others do. (Which I did at the time) But now I realize that those things will not determine whether I can get through another round of cancer.
The three most important things I've learned in life are to have faith, be optimistic and let love in. Have faith in something; believe in something. With that, you suddenly feel stronger. You're able to put trust into something. And Optimism. When you go through something like I went through, sometimes all you want to do is give up. Being optimistic passes the days much more quickly. Finally, Love. You NEED love. I tried to remove myself from everyone that I loved, because I figured if I did that, I wouldn't hurt anyone. But their love is what gets you through. Strength comes when you wake up each morning, and you know that there could be a million things that could go wrong that day but you'll never lose love.
Sometimes I try and forget that I have cancer. Pretending I don't have it makes things so much easier. But then I remember how having cancer three times has changed me. If I hadn't had cancer I wouldn't be the same person I am today. I appreciate a lot more than I used to. Simple things to me aren't just simple things, they are meaningful, and I'm glad to be alive to appreciate them. Having cancer has made me appreciate the love others give, the power of a smile, and the taste of an ice cream cone. It has made me appreciate my life and the people I share it with. It has made me stronger than I ever wanted to be. It has made me grateful for love.
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