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Opening a Dialogue |
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Things for both sides to consider...
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Join the Discussion
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"I have always considered myself a principled and moral person, but in recent years at school I've begun joining in with the the rest of the "in" crowd in ignoring/insulting the outcasts. I consciously hate myself for it but when I do it I get included. I spent 3 years as the one being picked on and have become very insecure in who I am, I would do almost anything to avoid that."
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Opening a dialogue is not as frightening as it may seem and it doesn't have to be the adult who starts the discussion. Teens
can open the lines of communication too. As the saying goes, "talking is a two way street". If there is something on
your mind, if you are feeling confused or if you just need to talk, their is always some trustworthy adult willing to listen. Your parents,
your aunts and uncles, a teacher or guidance counsellor, even your grandparents - there is an adult you can turn to. They may
not like what you are saying, they may even get mad, but if you maintain your cool and keep on topic they will listen. Choose
an adult you know will listen before reacting, take a deep breath and make the ever so important move of "communicating".
You'll be glad you did.
TIPS FOR TEENS - there is a lot to be learned by listening to adults. They have been through teen life and have the gift of hindsight in making
their judgements.
Remember that your parents were teens in the 60's and 70's, eras known for some pretty wild antics and open attitudes.
These are not adults who are clueless about the lures of sex, drugs and rock 'n roll. When they offer advice think about what they are saying and where they are coming from.
They aren't out to ruin your fun or stop you from "having a life". Even the most conservative adult advice has
your best interests at heart. Before deciding that everything adults have to say is bogus or that it is out of touch with the
times, take a moment to really hear what is being said. You will be surprised at how much sense adults can make.
TIPS FOR ADULTS - know that the world has changed and the changes to the reality of today's youth are very drastic. Designer
drugs, school yard murder, high tech relationships, and high youth unemployment are just some of the things that 21st century
teens live with everyday. It is important that you respect the ways that their world is different than the one you remember
living in as a teen. Judgements tend to be made from experience and are always shaped by the perspective of the person offering them,
when talking to teens try to remember this. Listen to what they say about their world, relate it to what you remember and try
to offer information rather than opinions. Rather than thinking in terms of "I wish I hadn't done that so I am going to forbid
my child from doing it", ask yourself, "What could have been said to me when I made that mistake to make me change my mind".
Know that arming your teens with the truth, sharing your experiences, and presenting facts over opinions is more likely to
reach them than any amount of lecturing.
Bottom line if anything is going to be done to change statistics like these, an honest dialogue is going to have to be entered
into by both sides. Teens will have to tell it like it is and adults will have to listen. Adults will have to be brutally
honest about choices and consequences and stand behind their warnings with action. The truth is
that both sides have to work toward change and the only way this is going to happen is if they listen to each other!
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