Social Weapons & Psychological Warfare

The nonviolent things people use to hurt others and ways to combat the effects.

Not generally considered violence, these tactics can be extremely harmful. The emotional scars often last a lifetime. Why people seem to take pleasue in being cruel to others is mystifying - but it is never more prevalent than in high school. Maybe it is because everyone is in such tight social surroundings in high school, that there appears an increased need to dispay dominance in the form of popularity. Some people see only one way to achieve popularity - do something, say something, to make you seem better than others. If a really juicy piece of gossip comes to one person they may spread it around, not to be malicious, but as a fast track ticket to popularity. The fact that somebody gets hurt in the process may never cross their minds. Then there are the people who are mean just for meaness sake. These people are usually already popular, so what is their motive? Simple, to keep the crown. Sometimes you can get so wrapped up in your popularity that all you see is what life is like with out it - and in a fear response, you do whatever it takes, say what you have to, to keep somebody "below" you.

A girl I went to school with road her way to popularity on the back of another girl who had the misfortune of being obese and acne prone. She made this poor girl the butt of her jokes, spread false rumours and basically made the girl's high school life miserable. She encouragde her guy friends to tease the other girl and the group even went as far as to egg the unpopular girls house. It backfired. The guys got caught egging the house and Miss Thing ran off with the other girls. The guys all got busted and had to paint the house and do community service. In the fallout, the friends she had worked so hard to impress by teasing the other girl turned on the popular one saying she was a bad friend and always looking for trouble. Eventually she got back in with her friends, but was never quite so prima donna again. The other girl was never vindicated, socially speaking, she never even got an apology.

Now my old high school is in the local news. An ex student (after my days in those halls) is suing the school board saying that the school officials failed in their duty to protect him from harm. He was smaller than other students and early on in high school was labelled as gay, he was not gay but the name stuck. Throughout his years at the school he was harassed, called names, had things written on his locker, was followed home, was beaten up, was subject to death threats, was encouraged to kill himself and in one incident, had his shirt lit on fire. The school only suspended the people involved in the fire incident for 2 days. Despite the fact that this student went to the school officials every time asking for help, despite the fact that his parents became involved, the school never did more than that suspension. Why? While the fire was "outrageous" the rest was deemed normal teen behaviour and not thought to be overly hamful. Whatever! Anyone who has ever been the butt of somebody else's tirade knows how it hurts. Even now, the school board won't admit that they failed in any duty to protect. The message this gives to many teens - "baby, you're on your own!"

Not nice, this "war" to make friends and influence people. It seems that nobody really wins. But waiting for divine justice to step in can be infuriating for the targets of this emotional abuse. Bullying and name calling can get so bad that they can consume a person with rage, depression, suicidal thoughts, and even violent fantasies. Being an outcast sometimes leads peope to do drastic things to themselves and/or others. Good kids can be driven bad by the merciless teasing of others. Schools sponsor awareness programs but in the end, they don't take words as seriously as actions. The way schools handle most social harassment is very much influenced by the old poem "sticks and stones may break your bones but names will never hurt you". The reality is that names do hurt you, rumours can be more persistant and debilitating than a black eye, and gossip bites. What is a teen to do? How do you take on the mean social tactics of a peer and win? It isn't easy, but it is possible.

Know the tactics, learn how to fight them:

• Rumours & Gossip
• Name Calling & Labeling
• Ostrasization & Alienation
• Group Harassment
• Silent Treatment
• Game Playing & Cruel Jokes
• Graffitti & Note Passing
• Internet Slander