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Teen Life Q&A
Why oral sex is still sex -- a Christian Q & A.
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I'm a Christian teenage girl practicing abstinence. I have a boyfriend who has the same morals as me and who also wants to wait until marriage to have sex. My question for you is this; is oral sex the same as sexual intercourse? Does it count as having sex? If we have oral sex are we still virgins?


This is a very difficult question to answer, both biologically speaking and in a religious context. These pages may help you figure out where you stand on the issue:

Biologically speaking, sexual intercourse is a sex act between a male and a female that involves penile and vaginal contact, often indicated by a broken hymen in females. But this is a very outdated way of thinking. I ask you, if you have oral sex every night and the next girl has sexual intercourse once a week (both in the context of a loving and committed relationship), who is really less "pure" as far as sexual experimentation?

Let me pose another question to you? Does your faith caution you against ANY sexual activity or just intercourse? I was raised Protestant, and my understanding has always been that all lustful activity is frowned upon, making any sort of sexual act unacceptable. The Bible does clearly forbid all lustful actions and stating that any act entered into out of lust as a sin. It also says that "spilling a seed" for reasons other than procreation is wrong, suggesting that masturbation is also sinful. This is purely opinion, but my understanding of the Christian stand has always been that any sort of sexual contact that results in or is likely to result in orgasm counts as sex. I have also understood that all sexual of activity outside of marriage is unacceptable. A better source on the Christian perspective would probably be Brandon at Christian Teens.

I think in this matter you need to follow your heart. I don't think that it is fair for me to tell you what is right and what is wrong, since only you have to face God and account for your actions. What is right for one person may not be right for another. I think it important that you know that sexual intercourse is not the only risky type of sexual activity. STDs can be passed without intercourse. See:

Oral sex is risky. You can't get pregnant, but almost every serious STD can be transmitted through this type of sexual activity. Oral sex is just as intimate as intercourse, it has the same emotional repercussions, and can have the same detrimental effects on relationships if it is entered into lightly. I urge you to give oral sex the same consideration you would intercourse and only try it if you want to. Do not give into pressure from your partner or feel you have to honor requests for oral sex because you are not ready for or interested in intercourse. Any sex act involves giving something of yourself to another person -- something you can never get back. Don't do anything you aren't 100% sure is right for you and your beliefs. If you are having any doubts, it is best to go without!

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