A:

I have to confess, your question "If I help him can I get in trouble?" disturbs me. The answer to that is an unquestionable "yes!". You also ask if you can be a good friend and NOT help him, again the answer is "yes!". You would not be a good friend if you helped your friend kill himself and you would definitely get in trouble. If you help somebody kill themselves be it by; "playing look out", getting them the means (weapon, drugs etc...), or by doing it for them, you are DEFINITELY doing something wrong both morally and legally.

In "helping" a friend die you can, and in all likelihood will, be charged with a serious crime. Depending on circumstances and evidence you could even be charged with first or second degree murder. Not only is contributing to the death of a friend psychologically and emotionally damaging, it will destroy your future and your life. The fact that you are even considering "helping" him to do this tells me that you could use heart to heart talk with a counsellor or pastor/priest yourself. You need to learn that friendship is not about doing everything your fiend asks of you. You also need to get a handle on your own benevolence about death.

When a friend talks of suicide it should always be taken seriously. This is a situation where it is always best to "err on the side of caution". There are lots of things you can do to help your friend get past his suicidal feelings. Talk to your friend about the things in his life that are causing him to feel so lost. Be there to listen and never validate his suicidal urges (by, for instance, entertaining the idea of "helping" him). If you fear that his threats are real, and not just the confused talk of a very depressed and lost person, consider going to a parent (yours or his) or another trusted adult for added support and input.

Urge your friend to seek professional guidance, either face to face or anonymously. The kind of help your friend chooses is not as important as the fact that he does get help. Suggest that he call a help line, see a counselor, go to a free clinic, talk to a doctor, or see a church official regarding his suicidal thoughts and feelings. Get him talking about what is going on for him with people trained to give him the guidance he needs. You can not "save" him alone and trying to may end up having a negative effect. You and he need outside help!

You may also want to consider counselling to help you better understand what is going on in your friend's life. You would definitely benefit from a deeper understanding of suicide and what leads people to consider it, there are a variety of reasons ranging from attention seeking to full blown clinical depression. In most cases, with help, suicidal urges can be overcome. Getting help is the key. Some situations may seem hopeless to the person living them and other situations may be truly horrific. But death is never a good way to end the pain and confusion. There are many more constructive ways to conquer our life demons. Once your friend has received the help he needs, he will come to see this fact.

One last note, remind your friend of the gravity of the choice he is considering. Make sure he understands that when you kill yourself it is all really over, you do not get to sit on some safe and mystical plain watching the aftermath. It is a common fantasy of many suicidal teens that they will punish those they feel have hurt them by taking their life. They create scenarios in their minds of guilt ridden family and peers lamenting how they could have behaved differently. They see the suicide as a form of retribution against those who they feel have caused them strife. They envision watching and gloating as they are mourned by those who hurt them. This is not what happens. When you kill yourself you do not get to come back and gloat. You do not get a second chance. You accomplish nothing more than your own demise. Make sure your friend realizes this. If his suicidal talk is designed to get attention these words may give him pause. If he is really suffering from a depressed ability to judge his life, these words may push him to get the professional help he really needs.

Bottom line; your friend needs help, but he doesn't need it to die, he needs it to live. Urge him to seek out help and get it yourself. Stay strong and refuse to "help" him die. Tell him that as his friend you won't help him destroy himself, you will only help him reclaim his life.

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