From Mike Hardcastle,
Your Guide to Teen Advice.
FREE Newsletter. Sign Up Now!

Another area of confusion on the date rape topic is intoxication. Bottom line, if a girl is intoxicated she cannot consent to sex and you could be charged with rape. It does not matter whether you knew she was intoxicated, it doesn’t matter if you were intoxicated too, all that matters is that she was not in a state of mind to consent and therefore it is rape. If you get a girl drunk or high and then “get together” with her you have committed a sexual assault. Again, it doesn’t matter if you are drunk or high as well. Your diminished abilities do not negate your responsibilities. A good rule to follow; if you are under the influence do not have sex. Now say you really had no idea a girl was intoxicated and that she truly appeared to be a willing partner, what then? The reality is that you could still be charged with rape if she is able to prove she was drunk or high. Your knowledge of her state may only be a mitigating factor; it does not guarantee you won’t be charged. So another good rule to follow, don’t have sex with anybody you are not 100% certain is able to consent. In other words, don’t have sex with somebody you don’t know very well or have not spent most of your time with immediately before your sexual encounter. While it may seem unfair to say to a guy “Dude, you’re under the influence too but you need to be thinking clearly even when she does not need to be thinking clearly,” really it is in your best interest to be on top of the game. Why? Because it is your future and your life you could be messing up and it is not up to her to protect you, only you can do that. Like the issue of birth control and condom use, when it comes to consent and sex it is up to you to make sure you are protected.

So let’s recap quickly:

• Not stopping when she is indicating that she wants you to stop, be it with words, actions or both, is rape. If she seems hesitant don’t try to convince her to give in, just stop!
• Just because a girl has had sex with you in the past does not mean she has consented to having sex with you whenever you want it. Forcing the issue could result in you being charged with rape.
• Just because a girl is your girlfriend does not mean she owes you sex on demand. Push it when she doesn’t want it and you could be charged with rape.
• If you get a girl drunk or high and then get together with her you have committed a sexual assault. If you do this and then have sex with her it is rape.
• If you do not get a girl drunk or high but you know she is when you have sex you have committed rape.
• If you are unaware that a girl is drunk or high and you have sex with her you could be charged with rape.
• Even if you too are drunk or high when you have sex with a girl who is drunk or high you could be charged with rape. It is not a sufficient defense to say, “I was wasted too!”

Hope that clears up the so-called gray areas on the topic of date rape. Remember it is your responsibility to protect yourself, not only from pregnancy and STDs, but also from being charged with date rape. Don’t blame your partner for actions you can control. You should use a condom and protect yourself from pregnancy even if she says she is on birth control. You should use a condom to protect yourself from STDs even if she says she is clean. You should stop yourself from having sex when she seems uncomfortable, when she says no, when she physically starts pushing you away or when one or both of you may be intoxicated and protect the both of you from a date rape. It is the right thing to do for EVERYBODY concerned.

Writer's Note: This article is not gender neutrel but date rape is. Date rape can and does occur within homosexual relationships and all of the scenarios outlined above apply in these situations as well.