This is a tough one but rest assured that your feelings are more common than you may think. You are not alone. Religion is a very personal choice and other people shouldn’t choose for you, true believers of all faiths know and accept this. You can be forced to tow a religious line but you can’t be forced to believe the doctrine. If the faith in which you’ve been raised is not for you and you are drawn to another or simply want to learn about other religions you should not feel guilty. Being faithful people your parents would most likely prefer you to be honest with them than to live a lie to please them.
That being said, your parents will likely be unhappy with your decision. This can’t be avoided. Just as you are entitled to your feelings they are also entitled to theirs. Your wanting to find your own path to God is not wrong but their being disappointed that your path is not the same as theirs is not wrong either. You will have to accept their disappointment as part of the outcome of your decision. What you can do is be sensitive to their faith and choose your words carefully. Do not attack your parents’ faith, do not cut it down or belittled it. Even if you feel that organized religion is the root of all evil in the world refrain from saying this to your parents. No good can come from you putting them on the defensive on top of rejecting the faith in which you were raised.
Never Attack, Only Explain
When you talk to your parents be as vague and non-confrontational as possible. Simply tell them that you have been having doubts about your faith as of late and that you want to take a break from their church and find your own way. Reassure them that you appreciate the moral foundation that going to church has given you but that the time has come for you to build on that foundation by yourself. Tell them that you feel like a hypocrite by continuing to go to services with them when you are no longer sure you can believe what you are being taught. Present your exodus from church as a search for your own path rather than an out-and-out rejection of the faith.
Be prepared for your parents to protest or even refuse to let you quit. They may think that because you’re a teen you don’t want to go because you would rather be with friends or because you are bored by the services. They would not be grasping at straws by thinking that since many teens stop going to church for these reasons. If you come up against this opposition reassure them that your objections to the church are not that superficial and run deeper to the core of your value system. Be prepared to talk this out with them while calmly holding your ground and asserting that the church they attend is simply not for you. Remember never attack their faith (even if you may want to) only say that you don’t believe anymore and that you want to find a faith that fits for you.
Faith is a Personal Commitment
Faith should be a life long learning experience. It is so very important that any religion you practice be near and dear to your heart, that it compliments who you are inside and the way you live your life, and that it brings you closer to finding a sense of meaning and belonging in the universe. If the religion you practice leaves you with more doubt than comfort it is not the religion for you; at least it is not for you at this point in your life. Many people have left the family faith with doubts only to return on their own with true belief and conviction. As the saying goes, nothing is written in stone. If you walk away now there is nothing preventing you from some day returning. Reminding your parents of this fact may help them let go and let you find your own way to salvation.
No matter what happens in the future right now you are certain that the faith in which you’ve been raised is not a fit for you. If your parents strongly object you may consider enlisting the help of a church leader. While they may try to talk you out of rejecting the faith at first if you remain firm and calm in your conviction a church leader may become your strongest ally. Church leaders know that the most important part of faith is personal belief and that this sort of belief can not be forced, it must be found. If you present yourself in a mature and non-confrontational manner you will get your point across. Even if the path you choose leads you to no religion at all it is very important that you find what fits for you. Be strong and never go on the attack, while your parents may never like or accept your decision in the end it is your life and they will have to let you live it for yourself. Religion is too personal and too important a decision to have it made for you or to stay in a faith out of misguided loyalty and guilt. Above all else, to thine own self be true.
