1. People & Relationships

Cheating, are you the other love?

10 signs that you may be helping somebody cheat.

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Cheating; we all think about it in terms of being cheated on but rarely do we worry that we’re being cheated with. The reality is that when cheating happens there is always an “other”, a person who comes along after-the-fact and helps a cheater cheat. Be it knowingly or not in order for cheating to happen there has to be this third person, this other lover. How can you tell if your new love has an old love as well? Here are 10 signs that the person you’re seeing may already be taken.

You may be the other lover if…

  1. Your steady only ever makes dates at weird times of day and is rarely available to be with you on normal date nights like weekends and holidays.
  2. Your steady turns off his/her cell phone whenever you are together or at least puts it on silent alert.
  3. Your steady often makes little mistakes or slips of the tongue when it comes to remembering things about you, things like your sign, your favorite food, your favorite movie, etc.
  4. Your steady has called you by the name of an “ex”.
  5. Your steady never brings you around his/her friends or family.
  6. Your steady often breaks plans at the last minute with little or no explanation, even plans that you have made well in advance.
  7. Your steady is reluctant to make any long-term plans or dates with you.
  8. Your steady is rarely available when you want to see him/her at the last minute but on the flip-side usually makes plans with you on the fly and at his/her leisure.
  9. When you unexpectedly run in to somebody from your steady’s work, school or church they hide rather than introduce you.
  10. Your steady seems to have to make excuses for a lot of odd behavior, like canceling dates, not calling when they say they will, not answering your calls or not being where they say they will be.
If you can agree with 6 or more of these statements chances are good that you are the other love. What you do next is up to you. Remember that most cheater lie to the person they are cheating on AND the person they are cheating with. It is a common misconception on the part of cheatees (people being cheated with rather than cheated on) that the person they are involved with only lies to the person they were dating first. This is simply illogical and is an example of the heart taking over for the mind. If they can lie to the person they were with when they met you they can lie to you too. For cheaters lying is just par for the course, it is a natural part of being in multiple relationships and they have no qualms about lying to either one of you. Do not fool yourself in to thinking that they are cheating because they are unhappy with their first relationship. If they were that unhappy they would end it and be with you free and clear. No, cheaters want to have their cake and eat it to, they want you and they want the person they were dating first. What you need to do is decide if you can be a part of this deception.

If you think you are a cheatee, you have to confront your steady with your suspicions but be aware that they will probably lie to you. Collect evidence if you can and use that to back up your claim. Then there are only three things you can do; you can end the relationship, you can demand that they end the other relationship, or you can become a willing accomplice to the cheating and continue to help them cheat. If you choose the last, and decidedly less noble of these options be aware of this one truth… if they can cheat on somebody else they can also cheat on you. If you knowingly stay with somebody who is in a relationship with somebody else you have already made it clear that you are OK with them cheating because they are being unfaithful to you even though you came along after the fact. You are still consenting to a relationship with somebody that you know is in a relationship with somebody else. If you ever did get this person all to your self chances are very good that they would cheat on you since you have already made it seem that you are OK with sharing their affections. Be warned when deciding what to do next.

Whether you came first or after being a part of a love triangle is never easy. Only you can know what is the best course of action for you. There is the “right” thing to do, which is end the relationship and refuse to be with the person again until they are truly free to be with you and only you. Not only is this the right choice it is the only shot you have of ever being in a healthy and normal relationship with this person in the future. Sit on the sidelines waiting and you give them carte blanche to walk all over you in the future, including cheating on you one day. Remember that when deciding what to do with your cheating love because there is a lot of truth to the saying “once a cheater always a cheater.” You not only help them cheat on somebody else but you also cheat yourself when you stay with this type of person. Ouch! Sometimes reality bites.

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