Can Cheaters Change?
People can always change if they really want to, cheaters included. Whether or not a cheater can change is completely up to the individual. Some people cope with down times in their relationships by seeking outside excitement. If cheating is a coping mechanism it will require therapy to address and overcome. Some cheaters are just immature and grow out of the cheating urge. This is very common in teens and young adults since the peer pressure to be in a relationship can make them enter in to commitment before they are truly ready. Other cheaters cheat because they can, and will not cheat if they are with a different partner. If they have repeatedly cheated and been forgiven chances are good that the cheating won’t stop because it has become a part of conflict resolution in the relationship. The cheater is in some way dissatisfied with their partner so they cheat, the partner forgives them and they enter a honeymoon phase, when they hit another bump the cheater returns to their successful attention seeking strategy and cheats again. The only way to beat this cycle is individual and/or couples therapy. If somebody cheats on one partner it doesn’t necessarily mean that they will cheat on the next but unless they address the reasons why they cheated in the past there is a good chance it will happen again in a new relationship.
No matter what reason a cheater gives a new partner for their past infidelity the reality is that this is a person who is comfortable betraying the trust of an intimate partner, don’t let lust lead you to overlook this character flaw. Unless a cheater has done some real soul searching, taken responsibility for the harm they have done, and stopped trying to rationalize their behavior and admitted it was wrong, you run the risk of being the next victim of their infidelity. Cheating doesn’t happen because a relationship is bad, it happens because that is how the cheater chooses to deal with a bad relationship. In fact, many cheaters cheat when they are in good relationships. If you want to take a risk on a former cheater sit down and really talk about what happened in the past and look at the situation with unbiased eyes, and if you decide to go ahead with the relationship leave the cheating issue in the past. People do change but when their past bad behavior is used against them it is never good, you must give your relationship a clean slate if it is going to succeed. When it comes to entering into a relationship with an admitted cheater all you can do is examine the facts and trust your instincts.
