The objection is based on racism, classism or religious biases.
This is unacceptable on your parents' part, don't let them put their bigotry on you. If they are racist that is their choice, don't let their choice control your life. However, try to be objective even when they will not.These sorts of fears are usually based in something more than mere parental ignorance and it is too simple to say that they object only in an attempt to control you. Often your parents are really worried about how others will treat you, how the rest of your family will react or how the social norms in your home town will label you. This does not make their objection OK, but it does mean that it is not as evil as it may initially seem.
Your first step should be to inform them that you do not share their views and that you won't live your life according to opinions you don't consider valid. You should also let them know that you are well aware of how others may view your relationship and state that you are prepared to deal with those who judge. Let them know that as far as you are concerned love is between two individuals, not a family, a peer group or a community.
Let the know that while you appreciate the fact that there are those who will not accept your relationship, you refuse to let those others decide what is right for you. Stay committed to your heart and politely confrontational with the views that motivate your parents. You should not try to sugar coat how YOU see THEIR views, but at the same time you should try to remember that you are in a relationship NOT the middle of a social justice debate.
There is no good reason why your parents' bigotry needs to determine who you see, but it should play a role in how you handle the relationship. Flaunting it in their faces will not only upset them but it is not a nice thing to do to the person you are seeing. You need not hide the relationship, but you should never try to force your parents to accept a person they are unwilling to accept.
There is a big difference between keeping a potentially explosive relationship away from the fire and pretending it doesn't exist. Be respectful of the fact that they do not accept your relationship while staying true to your love. Chances are good that if your parents don't accept your steady it will be awkward for all involved - including the one you love.
Any time that you want all parties together, for instance on your birthday, make sure that your steady is OK with the tension your parents may give off. Don't worry about your parents discomfort but do worry about the comfort level of your partner. Perhaps in time, your parents will learn to live with your relationship even if they don't approve. Often this is the best that you can hope for; pressing for more can be disastrous. In situations like this you must be prepared to be one part loving child, one part loyal lover and two parts diplomat.
The objection is based on YOUR sexual orientation.
If you have recently come out to your family, or if they have had difficulties accepting your sexual orientation, the fact that they disapprove is probably not a shocker. However, the fact that they are having difficulties accepting who you are does not mean you should stop being true to yourself.You are gay, your partner is gay and no amount of lamenting by your parents is going to change that. They need to be made aware that you are not going through a phase and that your newest love interest is not to blame for your sexuality. You are who you are, and you deserve to be happy and in love just like everyone else.
This sort of love affair needs to be handled very carefully because there is more than your parents' emotions to consider. You must also be respectful of the feelings of your partner. Much of the advice given to people in inter-racial relationships is applicable to this situation with one major exception.
While it is nearly impossible to hide one's race, keeping one's sexual orientation secret is very easy. For gay teens, it is also very common. When deciding how to deal with YOUR parents and family, you MUST consider how your partner is dealing with his or her family. You may be out while he or she is still in the closet. This absolutely must be a factor as you should not start your love affair with an unwanted outing.
When deciding how to act toward your parents it is important that you and your steady are on the same page. If your steady is still keeping his/her sexual orientation a secret from family and friends, this should be your first concern. If he/she has not yet come out the last thing they need is pressure from you and opposition from your parents.
In cases like this, be supportive of your partner and let him/her set the pace for how "confrontational" you get with your parents. While it is fine for you to press your parents to accept your sexuality and even accept that you are in a committed relationship, there is no reason to force them to come face to face with your sexually undeclared steady. Even if it is hard for you to be involved with a person who is not ready to come out it is not right or fair for you to expect him/her to take on battles he/she is not yet ready to have, especially battles with YOUR parents.
Now if your steady is already "out", the way to handle it is different. Form a united front and show all who object that you are as serious about each other as any straight couple your age. Try to keep the focus on your relationship and not on the issue of homosexuality. Do not hide your relationship but do not flaunt it in the faces of loved ones who are having trouble adjusting.
No matter what the outcome, be ready and willing to deal with outright rejection of your partner and of you. Many gay teens find themselves ostracized by family and friends when they have their first relationship even if those people seemed OK when they first came out. If you are faced with this type of rejection it may put a strain on your relationship. Try not to let it press things to the point where you stop enjoying being in love. Being in love is a happy thing; don't let anybody, even your parents, ruin it.
