1. We like the chase – you chasing us.
Yep, it’s sad but true that when a guy is too eager to catch us we wonder why. What is wrong with this guy? Why is he so clingy? Is he a control freak? Is he a serial dater? A player with many girlfriends on the go? Is he insane? It’s not that we don’t want to be caught, we do, we just don’t want to feel trapped and when things happen too fast trapped is how we feel. We need to be sure of our feelings and of our attraction before we can step off the racetrack and give up the chase. You need to woo us to make us yours. Some guys lay out traps, saying all the right things and meaning none of them, in an attempt to woo us and this gives way to our biggest fear; falling prey to an insincere guy who is more about the game than being in a relationship. For this reason even once we’re yours, even once we are sure of your feelings and you are sure of ours, we need to still feel a little bit of the chase. When you chase us we feel like you want us and are willing to do some work to be with us and we don’t want that feeling to go away just because you’ve caught us.
2. When we say we’re “OK” or that things are “fine” the opposite is probably true.
Girls are communicators. It is hardwired in to our psyches to talk and talk and talk some more whenever there is discord or conflict. So if you sense there’s a problem and gather the courage to ask us and we respond with a “fine” or “it’s ok” or some other sentence with less than 7 (short) words chances are good that we really want to talk. So, you think, what’s a guy to do? You ask a question, you get an answer, and you plan based on that answer. Who wants to read between the lines or guess what is really going on? What a waste of time, right? Wrong! When girls pull the short answers out during a conversation it is because we want you to put the effort in to getting us to open up. It comes from a place of feeling like you don’t usually care what we have to say so we want you to put some effort in to getting us to talk so we can be sure we will be listened to. Now those perceptive guys among you may have your hands up right now waiting to ask the obvious question… if a girl feels like she’s not usually heard isn’t that the REAL problem? Yes, yes it is, and one little talk won’t stop that feeling of being marginalized. In psychology we call this a learned response, a behavior that does not come naturally but rather has been developed through a process called social conditioning. You may very well be the most attentive boyfriend since the dawn of time but if her previous guys made her feel insignificant or unheard you’ll have to help her carry that baggage. Heck, you’ll have to help her unpack it and put it away! So when your girl replies with a curt little answer to your questions don’t take her at face value. Calmly and gently ask her a few more times. Once she feels like you will hear her nature will take over and, voila! You’ll be communicating.