Ask the Love Lady

To gift or not to gift… that is the question. Just what is the right way to handle gift giving in a new or new-ish relationship? Well, as far as the etiquette on this one goes let me start by telling you that you are always free to give a gift to anybody you want regardless of how involved they are in your life or how long you’ve been dating. There are no hard and fast rules as to when it is OK to give a gift to a new beau and when it is not. Gifts are an expression of your thoughts and feelings and are not an obligation or a sign of great expectations. If you want to give a gift, give one just don’t expect one in return. Gifts should never be given with the expectation that one will be given in return.

Now that being said there are some things you absolutely must take in to consideration; how in to you is this guy, how long have you been dating, what are his feelings about gift giving in general, and does he even celebrate Christmas, to name a few. If he’s not as in to you as you are to him then a gift that has too much meaning or costs too much money could very well spook him. Since you’ve only been dating a short time I’d suggest a gift that gives you an opportunity to spend more time together but that does not suggest that you have any lofty ideas about what is going on between the two of you romantically. Some good choices are; a gift certificate to a favorite restaurant or to a local movie theatre, or tickets to a sporting event or play you know he wants to see. The key here is to keep the gift thoughtful but not too personal. If he doesn’t like gift giving, has expressed that he is short on cash, or doesn’t celebrate Christmas forgo the gift altogether. To give him a gift under those circumstances is insensitive and shows a lack of respect for his feelings, not the best way to move a relationship along on good terms.

The important thing for you to remember is that giving a gift does not mean that the relationship is serious and if moving things to the next level is part of your motive don’t give a gift at all. On the flip side, if he really likes you no gift is going to scare him away although he may feel uncomfortable if he didn’t get one for you as well. My honest opinion, barring some very good reason for his not wanting a gift (like he doesn’t celebrate a winter holiday or has expressed that he has no money to buy you a gift) there really is no reason not to give him something. Choose the gift carefully. Do not make it too personal or too ‘coupley’ and do not freak out if he gives you nothing in return. This last point is key: do not make it an issue if he doesn’t give you a gift as well, after all at 6 weeks it’s just as OK to not give a gift as it is to give one.