My friend and I both like the same guy. I liked him first but am too shy to do anything about it but my friend isn’t shy at all and now she’s making a play for him. I’m so mad at her for going after a guy she knows I like. What kind of friend does that?
Yeah, this is a tough one. Your friend is definitely not behaving like a friend should and you are right to feel confused and betrayed by her. Only you can know for sure if she has been a good enough friend to you in the past to make it worthwhile for you to try to get past her thoughtless behavior. Has she been there for you in the past? Is this type of thing out of character for her? If so, I strongly urge you to let go of your anger and focus on saving the friendship. However, if she is a fair-weather friend or if she has done this sort of thing in the past you should probably cut her loose. Nobody needs a friend who’s so willing to stab them in the back! But good and true friends are hard to find and you should never end a friendship over a crush. If she is otherwise a good friend you need to buck up and treat this as one of those unfair hands that life sometimes deals. The truth of the matter is that you and this guy were never an item and throwing away a friendship over a crush is just sad.
I know it feels bad to see your friend making the moves on a guy she knows you carry a torch for but try to see things from her side for a minute. Obviously she really likes this guy too if she is willing to test the limits of your friendship by going after him so instead of seeing this as a betrayal of you try to see it as her following her own heart. Can you honestly say you would do any less? By the sounds of things she’s watched you pine away for this guy for some time, is it possible that she has finally decided that you’re never going to act on your feelings? Maybe she has held back this long out of respect for you. You need to talk to her and see how long she has been interested in this guy before cutting her out of your life. If she’s liked him as long as you have and just never said anything about it this shows that she really does value your friendship. The least you can do is value hers in return. After all if you can’t be happy with this guy wouldn’t you like to see a friend that you love happy with him rather than some strange girl?
Love bites and unrequited love bites hard but it’s not your friend’s fault that you and she share the same good taste in guys. Find out the whole story before you make any decisions about the friendship. How would you feel if you knew that your crush has been the one making the moves on your friend and that she has been turning him down because of you? What if you’re only noticing it now because she is finally giving in to his advances? How bad will you feel knowing you turned on a good friend over a guy who never really wanted you anyway? I think that once the dust has settled and you start to let go of your feelings for this guy that you’ll see that good friends need to come first. My best advice to you is that you make an effort to find out all the details. If she’s a bad friend making a play for this guy as a way to one up you then good riddance, but if she has been a good friend all along who is only guilty of finally giving in to her own feelings you should cut her a break. Just because you saw him first doesn’t make him yours and if you and he had no relationship what so ever there really is no betrayal. Think carefully and know the whole story. Try not to think with your broken heart and instead use your mind. Good friends are like gold and you should cherish them no matter what.