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I think my boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on me. What should I do?

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Question: I think my boyfriend/girlfriend is cheating on me. What should I do?

Cheating: It happens to the best of us. Even if it hasn't happened to you, you might be wondering if your girlfriend or boyfriend is about to cheat. Is there any way you can tell. Here are some thoughts on cheating and some clues that the person you're dating may not be totally faithful.

Answer:

First of all, try not to panic. Sometimes a fear that your partner is cheating is actually your own insecurity about the relationship -- or yourself. Take some time to think about these things before trying to figure out if your boyfriend or girlfriend has been unfaithful.

If you still feel like your boyfriend or girlfriend might be cheating, look for the following clues:

  • Are they not available when they used to be?
  • Are they checking their email, voicemail or text messages a lot more often?
  • Are they acting secretive -- for instance, not sharing details about where they were the previous day -- but trying to pass it off like it's not a big deal?
  • Are they avoiding you or making excuses not to spend time with you?
  • Are they calling you or hanging out with you less often
  • Do they seem less excited about you and your ideas -- or much, much more excited and interested than usual?
  • Do they seem to feel guilty and do things like buy you presents or shower you with compliments?
  • Have you or anybody else seen them spending time with a different guy or girl?
  • Do they talk about someone else with a surprising amount of enthusiasm or excitement?
If four or five of these items ring a bell, you may want to confront your boyfriend or girlfriend.

If you choose to confront them, stay calm and state the facts: what you've noticed about the changes in their behavior, how these changes make you feel, etc. Avoid accusing them of doing anything, just in case there is another rational explanation.

See what they have to say -- and if you buy it. If you don't trust them, you'll need to have another chat to determine if the relationship is going to work.

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