Remember in cases of natural conception if the blood types do not match it is because the wrong father has been identified. If the blood types do match up the next step that should be taken is a DNA test as blood type matches only suggest the possibility, not the certainty, that the right father has been identified. DNA testing is much more complicated and expensive but in the end it is worth the investment and many private labs have payment programs available to make access to this test easier. Don’t feel bad about wanting a DNA test, as discussed earlier both father and a child have a right to know the truth. The most accurate DNA testing is done using samples from all three parties; mother, identified father and child, but testing can be done with only samples from the identified father and child. While it is possible to test DNA before a child is born this is much more costly and can pose a risk to the unborn child. For this reason most DNA testing is done after the child is born.
Should you get married?
The question of marriage under these circumstances is a very personal one but it should not be entered in to lightly. The pressure to marry when an unwanted pregnancy occurs can be overwhelming but there are important legal ramifications that potential fathers must be aware of. In North America our system of law is based on British Common Law and under this legal structure a child born in wedlock (that is to parents who are legally married at the time of birth) is automatically presumed to belong to the husband. A legal father has the same rights and responsibilities as a biological father. If you marry a girl who claims you fathered her child and later find out that you are not the father it can be difficult and costly, not to mention emotionally devastating, to have your parental rights and responsibilities changed. It may be worth your while to consult with a lawyer near where you live before marrying under these circumstances in order to fully and properly understand the law on this matter where you live.
What about adoption? Can I give up my baby for adoption even if the mother does not want to?
No, you can’t force the other parent to give the child up for adoption. You may be able to give up your own parental rights however, depending on the laws where you live. A lawyer in your area can better advise you on the subject of giving up parental rights and obligations and if this is something you want you must seek legal advice.
OK, I’m the father and I’m going to be involved, now what?
If you and the mother can agree on a custody arrangement and on child support it can be as simple as signing an agreement and filing it with the family court in your area. This may or may not require a lawyer. When there is nothing being disputed by either parent then the matter of filing is relatively simple and any associated legal fees are usually minimal. If the two of you can’t agree then you will need a lawyer. As a father you have the right to know your child and to be a participant in his or her life. You also have the responsibility to support and care for your child and if you are the non-custodial parent you have the responsibility to pay child support. As touched on earlier you have the responsibility to ensure that your child is free from harm and is well cared for. If you believe that the mother is unable to care for your child or that your child is being harmed in her care then you have a responsibility to do something about it. On the other hand, if a mother believes that you may be bad for the child or put the child in harms way then she has a responsibility to do something about it. This usually involves going to court to stop or limit access. A lawyer will be needed and depending on where you live you may be able to get legal aid or assistance. Check with your local law society, Attorney General or other public law office.
Parenthood is not an easy thing and it should never be entered in to lightly. No matter what the circumstances surrounding conception when you become a parent you are a parent for the rest of your life. Fathers are no less important than mothers and their obligations to their child are no less than those of a mother. Just because biology has made it that mothers carry the child in their body this does not mean that the mother is the most important parent. Both parents have important roles to play in the life of their child. While having a child while you’re still a kid your self is less than ideal this does not make you any less a parent. Once you know a child is yours it changes your life forever no matter how old, or young, you are.