To say he is X number of years older than you and that is too much older is an oversimplification of a complex situation. In matters of the heart things dont always make sense, timing isnt always right and people are not always in the same age group. Large age differences can be overcome if people are at similar places in their lives. That said, when you are a teen and your partner is a full grown adult the chances that you are in similar places in your life are slim to none.
Look at the big picture. You are of high school age and presumably still in high school. Hes been out of high school for a decade. A lot happens in a decade and specifically, a lot happens in the decade right after high school. Careers are built, dreams are followed, your adult path is being cleared and you begin to see who you are when you are no longer sheltered by the safety of youth. The learning curve of life begins to disappear, sort of speak, and you are out there really doing things for yourself for the very first time. Even a very immature 28 year-old man has had life experiences that your average high-schooler cant even begin to fathom. It is this vast difference in life experience rather than the age gap that makes this sort of relationship so questionable.
While situations are not always cut and dry here are some signs that the differences in your life experiences make the age gap too big to navigate:
- The relationship is illegal as defined by the Age of Consent laws where you live.
- S/he has more in common with your parents than with you.
- S/he has voted before and you cant even drive yet.
- You live at home; s/he owns or rents her own home.
- You babysit; s/he has babies (or kids).
- You still see your ex at school; s/he still sees her/his ex when the kids get exchanged.
- You get an allowance; s/he draws a salary.
- S/hes building a career, youre looking for an after school job.
- You daydream about marriage; s/hes been there, done that and filed for divorce.
- Your social life still revolves around weekends, holidays and school breaks; s/he only gets 3 weeks paid vacation time a year.