First off, are you sure your friend really has an eating disorder? If you've noticed even one of these signs, your friend might have a problem:
Signs Your Friend Has an Eating Disorder
- She's obsessed with food. She counts calories, or she always talks about what she wants to eat, or she plays with her lunch by dragging it around the plate or cutting it into little pieces. It's a sign that she might have deeper, more dangerous food issues.
- He exercises too much. The right amount of exercise is different for everyone, but if he's working out more than once a day, or for several hours a day, it could be a bad sign.
- Her body's changing. She's lost a bunch of weight, her skin is pale or yellow, or there's fine hair growing on her skin (which is the body's way of keeping itself warm when it's lost much-needed fat).
- He uses laxatives or diet pills. Those are seriously unhealthy ways to shed a few pounds, and could have dangerous side effects, like dehydration, severe stomach pains or worse.
- You've heard her throw up after eating. Don't just assume that the cafeteria ravioli wasn't sitting right with her. She might have bulimia nervosa, a disease that has dangerous psychological problems behind it.
- He's always putting himself down and talking about how fat he is, even though he looks fine. Having a distorted body image - where you see fat that doesn't exist - is a common sign of an eating disorder.
- She's started wearing baggy clothes. She might be trying to hide her new body under all those layers.… or maybe her old clothes don't fit her anymore.
What You Should Do About It
- Talk to your friend. Sit down with your friend one-on-one. Start by telling her, "I've noticed some changes going on with you, and I'm worried." Be sincere, be sympathetic and be understanding. If she's afraid to get help alone, offer to go with her to a counselor or doctor.
- Read up on eating disorders. The more you know, the easier it'll be to understand what's going on in your friend's head. This true or false quiz can help.
- Talk to an adult, like your parents, your friend's parents or your guidance counselor, if his condition doesn't get better. You can't solve your friend's problem on your own, but you should alert people in his life who can help.
- Talk to her about eating healthy. There are healthy ways for your friend to maintain her weight or shed a couple of pounds. Talk her through them and help her get on the right track.
- Be a trendsetter for positive attitudes. Do your friends always say nasty things about people's weight and appearance? Call them out on it, and refuse to join in on the insults. It's that kind of talk that makes people start obsessing over their own flaws...and it might lead them down a dangerous path.
What You Shouldn't Do About It
- Don't get angry with your friend. A negative or combative attitude will make her shut down and refuse to listen to you. Instead, keep a positive, sympathetic tone when you address her problem.
- Don't try to force him to eat. Whether or not to take that bite isn't a decision you can make for him. Forcing him to eat is cruel, and it might even make him more adamant about starving himself.
- Don't say negative things about the way she looks. You might think you're helping her out by telling her she's too thin, but you're really just dragging her deeper into self-doubt.
- Don't keep secrets. If he tells you about his problem in confidence - even if he makes you swear on your life - you're still allowed to tell adults about your concerns. Secrets are null and void if sharing them might save your friend's life.
- Don't play along. She might try to validate her behavior by complaining to you about her body, or dishing about her unhealthy diet or exercise routine. Use those moments to talk to her about how to be healthy.
- Don't try to solve this problem yourself. Your friend might need professional help to get through her disorder, and that's more than you can provide. Do the best you can. Even if your friend doesn't realize it now, she's awfully lucky to have someone like you in her life.