How Long Had You Been Dating Before the Breakup?
3 months (not long to most people, but my longest relationship)
Who Broke Up with Whom?
He broke up with me after I confronted him
How Did the Breakup Go Down?
He'd been acting sort of distant for a while now, never texting first, keeping distance when we were with friends, etc. This had been happening for a few weeks. I had asked a few times if his feelings towards me had changed and he always denied it. In fact, at a party 3 days before the breakup happened, I asked him if I was wasting my time and he responded by kissing me passionately. (Should have been a clue, as he has an aversion to displaying affection.) So anyway, I ask once more if he still has feelings for me. He says "Honestly yes, but they have dropped." Then he said it was probably best if we broke up. Good time
How Did You Get Over the Breakup?
At first I was devastated. Obviously the whole rejection thing is never a feel good factor. But I came to realise that even though at the time I thought my feelings towards him were love, they were actually just the love of being in a relationship, and that I was putting up with a lot of things that he did that I could not have dealt with in an ongoing partnership. The flaws that I looked past when we were together were suddenly crystal clear. Lack of romance, inability to show affection. It made me realise that I was more worried about not finding another boyfriend than I was about losing him. Sure I still think about him, and many of the memories are good ones; him making me feel better after a tough day at work by coming over with a dvd he knew I wanted to see, and telling me that he would have cried too. Him trying to make me laugh when I had immense stomach pains just to take my mind off it. Him holding me. Or even him teasing me about my inability to drive a manual car or my cooking skills... All these memories I have but I don't have to feel sad about them, I can think about them and remember the good times, sometimes cry, but knowing it was for the best and that I will find someone who will do those things for me again in the future.
If it makes it easier for you, write a list of the things that you overlooked about him that didn't make you happy when you were together. Then make another list of all the things you want in your next relationship and put it somewhere safe. You might be surprised to find that your ideal man exists. It made me see things in perspective and helped me realise that I was worthy of being loved.
Lessons Learned
- Don't settle
- Be honest with what you want in your relationship
- You can think about the good times, but don't dwell on them
- Don't tell yourself you arn't good enough for him.
- Don't change who you are. Be yourself.