Who Was It With?
I fell in love with a young man I was friends with.
When Did You Realize It was Love?
I realized it was love when I could say it to myself without feeling fake.
What Did It Feel Like?
It felt like everything was better. I actually wanted to go to school just to see him. I didn't know what to do with myself when he wasn't around. I had butterflies in my stomach and my chest whenever we spoke and I got chills whenever he touched me. Everything he said made me smile and I was proud to say I loved him. Every thought he shared with me was wonderful and I supported him. I just couldn't stop laughing and singing and I felt like life couldn't get better for once.
What Happened Next?
He told me he loved me on the phone and I was awestruck. I remember asking, "Really?" I waited so long for him and finally the feeling was mutual. We went to the skating rink with some friends and he stopped me in the middle of the floor saying, "I can't wait anymore. I'm sorry I've waited as long as I have. Don't be angry...would you be my girlfriend?" To this I replied, "Why would I be angry? Yes!" He was so elated at my response and hugged me, causing me to lose my balance and fall. We were laughing and it was the happiest day. After that, our friends found out slowly. He would always bring me thoughtful surprises like my favorite soda and leave little notes in unexpected places. He treated me like I was the only person he saw and no one could turn my head. He started being distant and mean for no reason until one day he ended it. He told me it was because he needed to focus. I was okay with it and we agreed that the split was for the best, but I slowly started to feel my heart break. A few weeks later, he sat me down and explained to me that he had lied about his reason for ending our relationship. He fell for an old friend we both knew. I began crying and I felt awful. I remember turning away from him and he asked me, "Why don't you want me to see you cry? Why don't you ever show me how you feel?" I felt unwanted and like I'd never measure up to her. I turned away because I was the third wheel, a reject.
Lessons Learned
- What I learned is that love at such a young age is possible, but immaturity can destroy its beauty. Because someone decides they don't want a relationship with you doesn't mean you should feel unwanted, unworthy, or unattractive. You just need to move on and tell yourself that someone will want you the way you want them because it will happen. I promise you, things change and wounds heal to make you stronger.