Who Was It With?
My best friend.
When Did You Realize It was Love?
When all that made my day was his hug.
What Did It Feel Like?
Ever since I was young, I couldn't talk to guys. They intimidated me and I got awkward and shy around them. That's why I was so surprised when I made my first guy friend. He was everything I didn't expect. And after a year, I felt like I could actually be myself around him and not be terrified. He made it feel safe, but still made me so nervous around him. I couldn't look into his eyes without having my knees shake. And those moments when he gave me his jacket, I would replay over and over in my head. When my friends talked about him, I couldn't stop smiling and his voice was the only one I wanted to hear.
What Happened Next?
After a year of the most comforting friendship I ever had, I still couldn't tell him anything. He went from girl to girl and they never lasted long and I would comfort him. I was afraid to like him because he was my best friend. All my other friends knew. But when summer grew near, I realized something had changed. He had began to smile more at my girl best friend. And before I knew it, she broke up with her boyfriend to be with him. On that day, I had told him to be with her instead of me. It was my first confession to a guy, and it started with the ending. She later told me that he was going to ask me out a while ago but hadn't dared because he didn't want to risk our friendship. Who knew that while I worried about liking him, he liked me all along? They were concerned about me, of course, but I couldn't let that stand in the way of their love. And now months later, they are promise-ringed, and he's the light of her life. She seems to have given up on our friendship, revolving her life around him entirely. And I still cry a few tears before falling asleep, but every night, there's a drop less from last night. But the pain of seeing them together everyday and plaster a fake smile on my face? That never stops.
Lessons Learned
- This may sound really depressing, but don't expect your first time falling in love to be your last. The people closest to you can hurt you the most. There really isn't a moral. What I got out of my experience is a more cynical approach to life and honestly, it's probably going to protect my heart a lot more.
- But who knows? Maybe you're like my friend who got everything she wanted. In that case, hold on to him well and remember how lucky you truly are.